whatiwastryingtosaywas

There's something wrong in the state of Denmark… and I think I may be it.

Month: March, 2013

When is it going to be okay…

… to feel impatient?

… to want him home?

… to feel anything but gratitude?

… to stop being scared?

… to give him a proper squeeze?

… to take a deep breath?

… to stop worrying?

 

… to feel relief?

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The hard part’s done…

In most cases that’s not true but I think in ours it is. The hard part’s done.

The surgery’s done. He’s still in a very critical period recovery wise but my child is just… so amazing. He’s breathing quite a bit on his own, they’ve removed all the drains and pipes save for the ventilator and feeding tube (which, where the ventilator is concerned, we expect will be gone by the time we go back for visiting hours later today) and aside from needing some blood this morning, he’s on the road to recovery. He’s eating expressed breast milk. Started at 2mls per hour and is up to 30mls every three hours although he’s been fasting for the extubation phase, which should be happening as I type.

I cannot say how small I feel around this boy. For all he’s going through, I will never truly be bigger than him. And I strive to be as brave. For the lesson I’ve learnt through all of this is how scared I actually am and how brave I should actually become. Courage is a gift he’s been born with and a trait I’ve lost over the years. But I’m reclaiming it, and the only reason I can do so is my boy.

Again, I just really need to express my ever expanding gratitude for all the wishes, prayers, thoughts and energies being sent to Hudson’s little heart all the time over the past few days and going forward. I hadn’t realised how large my team was until this time came upon us and I have to say, I’ll never feel alone again.

Thank you all so much.

He opened his eyes on Friday morning when I started speaking to him...

He opened his eyes on Friday morning when I started speaking to him…

no cords

All his cords were removed this morning (Saturday)

Poor little swollen hands…

But it’s gone down now. He’s more like himself now.