Discharge and other funsies…

*Cue violins*

When you become a mother… *deep snobby, sigh-y nose breath in*… you may suddenly find your body starting to go through changes… *deep throbby punch to the throat*.

I’ve signed up for free stuff. I figured, I might as well. But there is no such thing as free stuff as we all know and I am now part of quite a few mumsy newsletters. They’re not bad. They offer specials and discounts on baby stuff. Still haven’t found an outlet for snazzy expectant mother clothing but we REALLY can’t have everything in this life, I’m learning.

Anyway, one of these, The Baby Club, is sending me a week by week “what to expect today” diary. It’s awesome fun. This is what your kid is up to, he’s blinking now and reacting to light. It has led to amazing amounts of fun times with dad and his torch.

But I gotta say… I am perturbed at this week’s expected deliverables as far as this pregnancy goes…courtesy of Parent24:

• For you, it may be a period of heartburn, leg cramps, haemorrhoids, itchy skins and indigestion. Don’t despair – exciting times are ahead.

Don’t despair?????? Haemorrhoids? More like the kid’s veiny twin! Or so I fear. I’m never going to be brave enough to hold a mirror down there. And yeah, indigestion, sure. I think I’m eating so little I’m actually losing weight!

• You may find that you pee a little when you sneeze. This is very common during pregnancy. Keep doing your pelvic floor exercises to keep those muscles strong.

I’ve been peeing a little when I sneeze since day dot. I swear I’m starting to smell a bit like someone’s gran and my underwear is never going to recover.

• You may drop things and trip easily. This is normal because of loosening of the joints and water retention.

Feels like the good old days if you ask me. 🙂


One thing I do have to keep an eye out for is discharge. Yummy.

Apparently if enough of this starts happening, we could be looking at pre-term labour.

Awesome. Now I have to be vigilant about discharge too.

Don’t comment. I am judging. All women. For putting up with this for so long. And for calling this a beautiful thing. Humphf.

Just kidding. Comment away. I love all of you.